Really? You Thought Unicorns Always Fart Pixie Dust?

People all around us are struggling. Always. Even when we don’t know it. Don’t see it or hear it. 

Life gets hairy. Sometimes it’s something we did or failed to do. Sometimes its forces and circumstances beyond our control. 

There is no universal rule that says stuff is going to always be sunshine and rainbows and Unicorns farting pixie dust. 

The hard stuff is going to happen sometimes. To all of us. And when it does, all kinds of feelings will come along with it. A whole damn unhappy circus coming to town. Disappointment. Sadness. Regret. Fear. Failure. They throw us up on the tightrope and watch us try to balance ourselves.

But you don’t need balance Boss Lady. Balance is not the answer when stuff gets hard. Screw balance. 

You need to fall. 

First, you need to fall into your feelings. 

There ain’t no shame in feeling pissy about something not going the way you hoped or planned. Or about something being just so damn unfair that you want to shake angry middle fingers up at the cosmos.  

We’ve all been there and when we are, we need to allow ourselves to feel. 

Second, you need to fall into your tribe. (Think ‘trust falls’ the exercise where you lean into a group of people and let them catch you.)

Because what we need when life gets tough is not to run away and hide. 

When the going gets tough, we all duck for cover and remain there, under our own emotional tent, isolated, not wanting to step out and get rained on for the two seconds it takes to snatch the umbrella just a couple of feet away.  

During our hardest moments, we cut ourselves off from our support and try to go-it-alone. Instead of leaning on our people, we back away from them. 

We tell ourselves that we don’t want to burden anyone with our big choices and tough circumstances. 

We don’t want to rain on other people’s parties. 

We don’t want to bring them down.

We don’t want to bother them with our stuff because “they have enough going on.” 

We don’t want to ask for help because “What if they say ‘no’?” 

First off,  if your people say ‘no’ during your time of need then forget those people. They aren’t your people, hear me? Lose those deadbeats. 

As for the rest of those ideas about parties and bringing people down and they have enough going on — all of that is a bunch of BS. 

Those ideas say:

1) you don’t find your current life sitch worthy of anyone’s attention or time.

Which means you don’t think you’re worthy of anyone’s attention or time.

2) you’ve got a bunch of assholes in your tribe who care more about themselves than helping you out.

I’m guessing that if you’re the badass I know you are, your tribe is, too, and they’re going to want to help a sister out if she’s in need.

3) you seem to think you’re the only one who wants to help people when they’re going through some shit.

Let’s be real — you want to be there for your people when they’re the ones going through tough times, right? So why is that you are able to multitask managing your life and being concerned for theirs but not the other way around? 

The fact of the matter is: when the going gets tough that’s when you lean into your people. That’s when you rely on your community. That’s when you call upon your tribe. Isn’t that why they are there? Isn’t that what makes them a real support system? Their ability to be there through ALL the times, not just the happy ones? 

 So, when the going gets tough, take the time you need to feel all the feels. Face the hard stuff. 

But put a limit on how long you sit and stare into the abyss. When the timer goes off, go find your people. Be in your community. Ask for freaking’ help. People are there just waiting to offer it. Wanting to offer it. They won’t know you’re struggling if you don’t clue them in. 

Choose your bond with people OVER the idea that you’re a burden to them. Because the first part is critical to getting through tough times and the second part is just a load of bullshit. The last thing you need when stuff already feels hard is more crap to deal with. 

Follow me here or connect with me here or on my blog to get more on each of these six lessons on failing spectacularly.

Or, if you can’t wait for the next post, check it all out (along with the rest of my story) in my book “When I Die, Take My Panties.”