Who The Hell Do You Think You Are?

“Who the hell do you think you are?” you hear someone say over your shoulder as you are about to walk into that boardroom of VIPs. The voice stops you cold in your tracks.  Who said that? You turn to confront your colleague but no one is there. Did you imagine it? 

Imagined or not, you feel unworthy of being in this room of powerful decision-makers and visionaries. You swallow your feelings of inadequacy and take your seat at the table. The meeting commences. You pull the agenda up on your laptop. 

When it comes time to pitch ideas for the upcoming product launch, you mentally prepare how you want to convey what you’ve been thinking about for a week. Just before you go to speak you hear that voice again: “You really think your idea is that good? Come on...look around you.” 

Curious. 

You recognize that voice is familiar. You can’t put your finger on it but regardless, that voice silences you. You don’t share your idea because certainly, someone else in the room has a better one. But they don’t.

The idea they come up with is just another tired rehash of product initiatives that have come before. You know your idea is absolutely the kind of outside the box thinking the company needs. But you say nothing. 

Then, just as the meeting adjourns, your boss tasks you with the most important action item — to take ownership of the “new” initiative. The one you know won’t succeed the way they want.  You smile politely and say “Sure! No problem.”

As you walk away that voice in your head is now a terrible out-of-tune choir: “You should have spoken up! How could you be so stupid? This product is never going to fly! You are going to get blamed.” Like Pig-Pen the peanuts character, a cloud of remorse hovers over your head and follows you as you walk down the hail.

That voice? You’ve heard it before. It’s your own. 

That nagging, doubtful, limiting, patronizing voice is yours. And it’s in your head crippling your thoughts and paralyzing your action. Know what that means? It’s also disabling your power and impact. You know what else? It has a name. 

Boss Lady, meet Imposter Syndrome. The asshole mooching off your mind and hijacking your belief system about your own awesome-ness. 

We have got to get rid of this loser.

But, first, you need to know how to spot it. 

What is Imposter Syndrome? 

I would define imposter syndrome as a seriously unhelpful mentality that whispers spiteful, diminishing commentary. Those thoughts that keep you (and your leadership) from stepping into your true zone of genius. We come by it naturally.

Those feelings of inadequacy show up in internal comments such as:

“This has got to go perfectly!”

“Who the hell do I think I am? I can’t ____________ (fill in the blank)” 

“I’m no expert.” 

“This time for sure they’ll find out I don’t know what I’m doing. 

“I don’t have time to relax, I need to get back to work!” 

“I can’t believe you messed that one thing up.” 

Any of this sounding familiar? 

This is your brain when you have imposter syndrome. It’s exhausting; I think we can agree on that. It’s also prevalent. There is not a single person who doesn’t have some kind of imposter syndrome. 

No, seriously. 

Studies have now shown that imposter syndrome exists across gender, sexuality, and socioeconomic status. I’ve seen it. I know that to be true. I’ve been coaching people for over 20 years, and I don’t care if you are a college student or the CEO of your own company. Everyone I have ever met — myself included — sabotages their greatness, throws a wrench in the works, or downright avoids taking the first step when imposter syndrome is driving the bus. 

The key is recognizing it as soon as it starts running its big fat mouth. 

How does it show up? 

Without getting that far into the weeds, some general characteristics of imposter syndrome include: Avoiding doing things you are not already good at. Fear of evaluation. Being a micromanager. Thinking your success is no big deal. Constantly going after one more certification or degree. 

Imposter syndrome impacts our life because we overestimate others while underestimating ourselves. We have a skewed definition of intelligence thinking everybody else is smarter than we are. Everybody else has it together more than we do. People with imposter syndrome often don't celebrate their successes or their value. In short, we limit ourselves and our success by believing that voice inside our heads. 

Beyond the general characteristics of imposter syndrome, there are actually five types (or personalities) of imposter syndrome. Valerie Young, internationally known speaker and expert on imposter syndrome, wrote a book called The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women. She categorizes imposter syndrome into five types with specific characteristics: perfectionist, superwoman, natural genius, soloist (or individualist), and the expert. 

Each of these has distinct behavioral aspects. (And if you’re interested in identifying what Imposter type you’re most like, you can take this quiz.) Of course, the benefit of knowing the type of imposter syndrome you have is in better recognizing it when it starts yapping. Knowing the type you have may also hold important clues as to why you have that particular imposter type in the first place. Like all things, knowledge is power. 

Why the ‘eff’ do we have it? 

Generally speaking, we come by imposter syndrome naturally. As in, neuroscience. Your amygdala, which is the reptilian part of your brain that governs the fight, flight, or freeze has been there forever. Think, thousands of years. It's in your DNA and it's there to tell you whether you can eat that thing or you're going to be eaten. In short, it identifies threat/risk and says, “WAIT! STOP!” 

How that relates to imposter syndrome is that it will kick in anytime we experience a threat. But your brain doesn't differentiate between the level of threat. Staring into the abyss of the Grand Canyon or merely looking at a picture of it will trigger the amygdala to kick in and protect you even though we both know that picture is a whole lot safer. 

So pair the function of the amygdala (natural tendencies toward survival) with how you were nurtured as a child, observed your parents, watched successful people, etc. and you end up with your own type of imposter syndrome. In one sentence, imposter syndrome has come down from years as a kid being told “Don't do that. Do this.” “This is the right way to act, the wrong way to act.” The main point: you came by it naturally, there is a reason for it, and it’s not all bad. I mean you do want something to point out signs of danger. It’s understanding what’s real and what’s perceived that is the catch. 

Oh, there’s two more catches actually.  

One, if you don’t have some level of imposter syndrome then you aren’t playing big enough. 

Two, it's never gonna go away. 

Sorry.

But you can learn to manage it. 

How the ‘eff’ do we manage it? 

By introducing play into your tool kit. Not kidding. 

The late Dr. Karyn Purvis, Director of Texas Christian University’s Child Development Center stated, “Scientists have recently determined that it takes approximately 400 repetitions to create a new synapse in the brain – unless it is done with play, in which case, it takes between 10 and 20 repetitions!” 

How can you introduce play? 

Hit the “PAWS” button so that they go away faster and faster each time.

“The what?” you might be asking. 

When I’m speaking in public I tell people when you catch that narrowing belief, hit pause, and then hold your hands up like you have actual paws. People always giggle, so it is a simple way to interrupt that brain pattern with play and reduce the number of times you are learning a new behavior to counteract being stymied by imposter syndrome. 

Introducing play is a BIG part of creating a successful roadmap to limiting your imposter syndrome, but it’s not the only piece. There’s something more critical that has to happen. 

You have to work with someone to determine your originating incident. The originating incident is the moment in time (likely some point in childhood), where you felt like a failure or weren’t good enough. From that point forward, imposter syndrome started riding your bus (until eventually it may have started driving it altogether). 

You cannot learn how to identify your imposter syndrome without understanding its origin. The originating incident is the key to getting control of it. Only by identifying and DISRUPTING that originating incident can you begin to remove imposter syndrome’s hands from your steering wheel. This is exactly why I have developed a 3-session coaching package to work specifically on imposter syndrome. I know that we can’t go digging through our own backstory —  it takes support and guidance. It takes the right person asking the right questions. 

(NB:  It can be a coach like me, but if you know it is a traumatic event, you should reach out to a therapist who specializes in that.) 

Where do you go from here? 

The first place to start is acknowledging you have imposter syndrome. The next step is identifying what type of imposter syndrome you have and how you came by it (not the nature part but the nurture part). Start by taking my quiz. 

After a clear understanding of your unique flavor of imposter syndrome, you can develop a personalized roadmap to managing imposter syndrome so you can get back in the driver’s seat. But remember, you’re going to need a coach. I happen to know one who is pretty awesome. (Just sayin’.)

Bottom line: it’s time for you to develop the art and practice of limiting your imposter syndrome instead of it limiting you. You have an impact to make on this world and you can’t do that if you doubt yourself. Feel me? 

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Follow me here or connect with me here or on my blog to get more on Imposter Syndrome. Or enroll in the course, “What if Imposter Syndrome is Really Your Superpower” here. Really, the most important thing is for you to take the quiz.