There Are Actual Victims, So Quit Acting Like One

I know this title is kind of jarring, but it's supposed to be. 

I can't tell you how many times I've coached people who are all "woe is me" all the time. You know the kind, people who can't believe some other person did that thing to them or said something hurtful or unkind. Or who believe the entire world is out to get to them. Their evidence? Consistent bad luck or strings of unfortunate events.  

While we can continue an utterly different dialogue about energy and the law of attraction and the cosmic deliverance of lessons you need to learn that are delivered through disheartening realities, that is not the point of this post. I don't want to talk about why you've had a terrible, no good, very bad day — or a series of them. I want to talk about how you respond to them when they happen. 

The way you respond is everything. Depending on your response, you are likely moving forward, backing away, or standing still. Either you'll fail spectacularly (which really means you grow and expand), or you'll just plain fail (meaning you stay stuck and small).  

I can guarantee you that if your response is to hunch over, carrying that shit like a bag of gold on your back, whining that "everyone and everything is out to get me,” you're going to just plain fail. Second, (and way more important) playing the role of "victim" is unbecoming, unhelpful, and extremely unwarranted for a Badass Boss Lady. 

There are actual victims. You know, people who have experienced trauma; who have had something heinous, undeserving, and illegal done to them. If you sit back to think about it, your poor performance review, the unexpected rumor by a supposed-friend, the backstabbing or undercutting action of your colleague, or the rude bagger at the grocery store — while sucky and uncalled for — cannot compare. 

Here's the hard truth: Blaming your circumstances will do you no good. Oh, you'll craft a lovely explanation for why life sucks at the moment, which will be great fodder for conversation during Happy Hour. Truth is, your story doesn't matter and will continue to leave you powerless.

You're going to have to Boss Up and put on your big girl panties and look within yourself. You're going to need to ask some tough questions and face the hard stuff, like: What am I holding on to that I can let go of? What am I being righteous about? Who or what am I blaming for my own choices? 

Have you ever heard the fable about how trappers catch monkeys in the jungle?

First, they cut a hole in a box big enough only for a monkey's arm or a banana, but not both. Then, the trappers put a banana inside the box. The monkey comes along and reaches in to grab the banana. The problem is, the monkey can't get both the banana and its hand out of the box. The monkey will stay in that position, with its arm inside the box, because it won't let go of the banana – sacrificing its own freedom.

Guess who is the exact same way? 

Humans. (See man does derive from monkeys! We even fling our poop — metaphorically speaking… but that's for another time.) We'd rather sacrifice our own freedom and hold on to things that aren't serving us instead of letting go.

Put down the banana! 

Maybe someone did intentionally set out to piss you off – that is for them to deal with. Don't you give away your power by continuing to be angry and resentful. The only one harmed by you holding on to your resentment is you. Stuff may happen that is beyond your control, but what is in your control is how you respond. (That's what I call "response-ability.") Whatever you do, don't get caught, still holding the banana. 

Follow me here or connect with me here or on my blog to get more on each of these six lessons on failing spectacularly.

Or, if you can't wait for the next post, check it all out (along with the rest of my story) in my book "When I Die, Take My Panties."