You Need to Be “Coachable” or It Won’t Work. Period.

Another less-than-stellar performance review got you wondering what the ‘eff’ do I do? 

I’m guessing there is any number of things you may be thinking:

How is it that my boss seems to love me but someone with less tenure just got promoted? 

Why is the word ‘Director’ or ‘Executive’ not yet in front of my freaking name? 

What the heck do I have to do to finally be promoted? To get the title and position I’ve been busting my hump for all these years? 

What’s going on? 

Why am I not good enough?

Hey, boss babe, I hear you. (And a lot of others facing the same disappointment and frustration.) 

Many women find their way to me because they feel like they need a coach to help sort through the mental anguish following that subpar performance review. 

Others are told they need to work with a coach. Maybe even “mansplained” by their male superiors why they need to work with someone to turn some shit around. 

Now, If you want some of my thoughts—not your bosses—on why having a coach is so valuable then check out this other post I wrote. 

Meanwhile, let’s say we both agree that you need a coach and let’s get to the good stuff.

In order for coaching to work (regardless if you’re coming on your own volition or by company mandate) you’re going to need to be coachable. 

Now, “coachable” is one of those buzz words that zips around Coaching Land as though there is a standard definition. But just like success can be defined differently for each of us, what a coach means when they say “coachable” also can vary.  

For me—and this is based off 23 years of coaching—this is how I know if someone is showing up and they ARE NOT coachable: 

You show up to calls and appointments with no personal investment. 

If the person on the other end has not bought into why they are there or need coaching, it’s going to be pretty difficult to get them to set goals, be accountable, or make progress. 

If their attitude is “I’m only here because I have to check it off ‘so-and-so’s list,” that is not the open mentality where movement is going to happen. As such, our time together will be a waste. I’ll be pushing against a brick wall. 

Additionally, there’s this feeling that if the company or corporation is paying for it, they don’t need to value it as much. It’s not their money, but it is their time. And time is a finite resource that we all aim to protect.  

Whether you're shelling out the cash for it or not, you're still paying for it in time and time is money and that is valuable, so make the most of it. Take personal ownership and responsibility for your coaching, regardless if it's a professional requirement. I know it sucks to be told “You need coaching, otherwise, x, won’t happen,” but don’t sweat it.

Most successful CEOs and C-Suite Level executives have coaches, they just might not talk about it.

You still need to heal past emotional wounds.

There are several areas of coaching: executive coaching, business coaching, personal/life coaching, career coaching, wellness coaching. The list feels endless at times, that’s because it is. Here’s the major point I want you to walk away with: no matter what it is called coaching is not therapy. 

Therapy may seem like coaching because it’s an intimate and honest 1:1 dialogue with someone who serves as a sounding board and guides you through things. But therapy requires much deeper and personal emotional work with a focus on healing and understanding (usually) past traumas and dramas. Therapy also is done by a professional with a degree in psychology or counseling. You can get plenty of certifications as a coach, but most of us are not licensed, professionals.

Therapy is key to our personal development because if there are past issues that are making you stuck, you should do that work first. Coaches focus on your future, not the past. So, at minimum, do the work simultaneously. (But make sure to tell your therapist that you are working with a coach as well so that everyone can be on the same page.)

Yes, some personal stuff is going to come into play during a coaching session. We can’t separate your personal from your professional life. But coaching isn’t the place for emotional healing. It’s the place for goal-setting, action, movement, and measurable outcomes because the past no longer has a hold on you (at least not that you are conscious of). 

Again, I’m giving you my own opinions. 

Get thee to Google to do your own research and understand for yourself the difference between coaching and therapy and why you shouldn’t come to me to discuss that breakup that left you eating ice cream for a month and watching Golden Girl reruns in your favorite sweatpants. (By the way, please wash them. They are still in the back corner of your closet behind that shoe rack you bought because you thought it would save space but it keeps falling apart.)

The point is: don’t show up for coaching having to heal emotional wounds. 

You come to the call with no identified goals. 

I have people who show up and aren’t sure what they’re really trying to achieve. They know they need direction and support. But they don’t really know what that looks like or what the specific thing is they’re after. They’re looking for the coach to tell them what to do. 

That’s not how it works.  I don’t tell you what to do.

Coaches are there to help you achieve your goals, not determine what they are for you. I will happily ask you a lot of questions so that you can become crystal clear on your goals, your motivation, what success looks like and identify any gaps in your skill set to achieve it all.

Which kind of circles back around to those who are coming to a coaching call because their supervisors or companies sent them. 

If a company doesn’t send objectives or desired results for the employee, then it’s like climbing a mountain with a blindfold you can’t get rid of. For people who’ve been mandated to receive coaching, there need to be specific goals and desired results that are identified for both the coach and the client/employee to work toward. Progress must be measured by what you want to achieve personally as well as what success looks like to your company.

However, even if your company sends you with certain objectives in mind, you still have a say. And it’s my job as your coach, to ask you what you want out of the process and what you’re looking for as results and to really listen. Ultimately it is up to you.

Bottom line: be clear on what you want from your coach and from each meeting. 

All right, so here it is, the cliff notes version:

You’re going to work with a coach. (Full stop.) 

Be personally invested in this development (even if you're not the one who came up with the idea).

Get clear about what you want to work on.

Use that tool known as Google to figure out the kind of coach you’re looking for and reach out to them (unless, of course, your company has done this for you.) 

Book the call. Because now you’re ready. You’re coachable. 

And if you’re curious as to whether we are the right fit—I’m talking about you and me, you fiery female—then book a 30-minute strategy session with me and let’s get this party started.