Lady, You've Got Sh*t to Say–Trusting Your Voice as a Powerful Woman Leader
This one is for you–a powerful woman leader in STEM.
I see you sitting in your power suit around the ‘big boy’ table. I see you. But do they?
If you want people to know you’re in the room with them and what you have to contribute matters, it’s time you’re seen and heard. This means you’ll have to take up space– which I’ll do a whole post on in the coming months. Today, I want to focus on the piece about making sure you are being heard.
In other words, get those lips moving. Try some of those vocal warmup exercises. (Cats and boots and cats and boots…Mi Mi Mi Mi….La La La…) I mean, not in front of everyone. Do them in your car, your private corner office, or the restroom. Just get those pipes ready. Listen, I don’t care what you believe or what anyone else has told you, you’ve got shit to say.
Because here’s the truth: having a seat at the table doesn’t automatically mean your voice is heard. Your butt might be in that high-back, plush boardroom chair that’s next to all of the other suited-up executive leadership butts, but (ha! how many ‘buts’ can I put in one sentence?) that doesn’t mean there’ll be an opportunity to speak IF you don’t seek it, create it, or make it so.
A passing talking stick might be nice to ensure everyone’s heard, but we all know that’s not a typical tactic in male-dominated spaces. Or maybe any spaces, really. Not that I can report on all meeting spaces everywhere…
But what I know is that dynamic conversations between people, regardless of how many are involved, have their own back-and-forth energy that doesn’t always wait for every voice to chime in. This can be particularly challenging as a woman leader in STEM and doubly difficult when you’re soft-spoken, introverted, neurodivergent, or if one of your top strengths isn’t speaking or sharing your ideas.
Or, perhaps the board room isn’t the problem, and the individual conversations you have with your direct reports or team members are more of the fear factor. Regardless of the setting or reason, speaking up or chiming in might not be “your thing,” but it’s critical to your long-term effectiveness and success as a strong woman leader in a male-dominated industry.
Now’s the time to learn to use your voice. It can only help you. Consider it another leadership skill to have in your tool belt.
Whether you hate public speaking, feel like a nervous Nelly, or consider yourself more of an introvert or wallflower, when it comes to sharing your thoughts, ideas, opinions, or feedback, it all comes down to whether or not you trust yourself. (Remember, I jumped on this ‘trust’ kick in January. Trusting yourself is imperative to reaching your next level.)
Do you trust that you have ideas worthy of contributing?
Do you trust that you have opinions that might offer new perspectives?
Do you trust your feedback is essential to achieving your company or team's goals, mission, vision, or results? Or, in developing a person who reports to you?
Do you trust that you put your best forward even if people disagree or don’t get on board?
If the answer is that you trust yourself, you’re halfway there because at least you already know without question you DO have something to say and you BELIEVE in saying it. Confidence in what you have to share is half the battle.
How to use your voice to say the thing(s) you want to say is the other. Those skills can be practiced and perfected. They can be learned. And once they are, you’ll be an even more effective and powerful woman leader.
If I were to narrow it down to the top three skills when it comes to using your voice, it would be speaking assertively, holding critical conversations with grace, and sorting out fact from fiction when approaching difficult conversations (which is really working through the P.O.W.E.R. code). So here are some tips, tricks, and considerations to use that voice to establish greater authority and more effective leadership as a powerful woman leader in STEM.
Trust Your Voice: Speaking Assertively
First, speaking assertively doesn’t mean interrupting others, even if you’ve been talked over and interrupted previously. It does mean holding your ground when someone tries to interrupt you, such as exerting a firm and polite “Excuse me, I wasn’t finished.”
Speaking assertively also is about speaking clearly, concisely, and precisely. You don’t need to rush or hurry. It’ll make it seem you feel you’re taking too long or taking up too much people’s time. It’s like a quiet apology. Eff that. You don’t have to apologize for sharing your brilliance. Do be mindful of getting to the point, of course. (My favorite way of ending what I’m saying is: “and my point is…” to ensure everyone knows exactly what I mean.)
Now, while it may seem counterintuitive, the other piece to speaking assertively actually has a lot to do with nonverbal signals. There’s a lot that can be conveyed just with our body language. Think about how much gets relayed when you make sexy eyes with that tall, dark, handsome stranger at the bar. I’m not suggesting sexy eyes in the workplace. The point is you know the power of body language. You know how much gets conveyed without having to utter a word.
So, don’t just rely on your voice, tone, and words to be assertive. Work that body (as in stand or sit up straight). Make eye contact. Don’t fidget, twiddle your thumbs, or twirl a piece of loose hair around your baby finger while you lick your upper lip. (That last one you can definitely reserve for the bar if you think it’ll get you to the bedroom instead of the boardroom. You know what I’m sayin’? *wink, wink, nudge, nudge. No shame in that game, Sister…)
Trust Your Voice: Holding Critical Conversations with Grace
As leaders, we need to be able to have critical conversations with our peers and the team members who report to us. But it’s not just about having and checking these conversations off the list. There’s a more effective way to have the “hard talks” than just dishing out criticism or feedback and calling it a day. Some might call this “radical candor,” sources on the ole’ Google machine define ‘radical candor’ as one’s ability to challenge someone directly while showing you care personally. A book on the subject talks about this as delivering both praise and criticism in one setting.
I think of it like sitting across from someone with lettuce stuck in their teeth, and you’ve got to let them know (because that’s the right thing to do) but you don’t want to embarrass them. The critical piece here is having grace when you’re delivering constructive feedback by doing this with honesty, transparency, and directness. It’s not talking behind people’s backs or asking someone else to provide your feedback. It’s a straight-to-the-source, honest-to-goodness conversation packaged with the best intentions. This is actually where my nickname came about–the Velvet Sledgehammer. I am direct, but I say it all with love.
One benefit of this approach to your leadership effectiveness is that it encourages open communication by creating an environment where team members are more comfortable speaking up and sharing their thoughts and ideas. An environment like that leads to more collaboration and better decision-making. So, when you know how to use your voice and trust it, it empowers others to use and trust their own. (Look at you creating that culture of trust like the badass boss I knew you were.)
Trust our Voice: Sorting Facts from Fiction Before You Have “The Talk”
If and when you’ve got speaking assertively and using grace in the bag, approaching difficult conversations will be that much easier. Not only will you know how to be firm and direct and hold your ground during this kind of conversation, but you’ll also be able to do it with honesty, integrity, and care. That last part will help lower people’s defenses and make them more able to receive your input (or feedback). But there’s more to approaching a difficult conversation than your delivery of what needs to be said.
Before you even get there, you’ve got to do some pre-work which can be summed up in sorting fact from fiction. This begins by recognizing perception is not reality and there’s a hell of a lot of “perceiving” going on in a situation that now requires a critical conversation.
You’ve got a perception about the situation and the person (or people) involved, and they have perceptions about you. There’s nothing abnormal about this, as it’s just your brain’s negativity bias. And we all have that. Our brains all work the same way: we always assume the worst. But even while all of us are thinking the same way, that doesn’t mean we should rely on our inner Negative Nancy to lead the conversation.
Before you head into that critical conversation, write everything out…The WHOLE situation going on at work, why it is the way it is, what’s wrong with the other person involved, what’s wrong with you, what you have done to try to solve it, or whether you’ve been avoiding it and why. After you’ve got it all written down, circle the facts. You’ll probably be surprised that much of what is written down is fiction. It’s a huge story your beautiful brain has created. From there, move through the steps of the P.O.W.E.R. code to drill down to what’s factual and actual and get clear before you enter that critical conversation.
Once you’ve addressed fact versus fiction, be mindful that when you’re giving someone feedback and you’re their manager, you’re tapping into their relationship with authority and how they perceive you in that role. Generally, we perceive our bosses as our mom or dad. You can’t change how they perceive authority, but you can be mindful. Also, be aware that you’re likely tapping into how they’ve been managed in the past. In other words, there’s a lot the other person might be bringing into this conversation that could muddy the waters in how they receive what you have to say.
Additional considerations for approaching critical conversations include understanding whether the person you’re speaking to can hear and apply what you say. If they can’t, how else could you relay the information? You might ask yourself whether the feedback you give them will result in their improvement. If they apply what you have to say, will it provide them with a positive outcome for themselves or the team?
Lastly, and this is a big one, do you have their consent to provide feedback? While your job as their leader is to provide feedback, there is a way to get their permission about when and how to offer it. You know, don’t just blindside them with verbal diarrhea they didn’t see coming. None of us like to receive feedback we weren’t prepared for. Going into a ‘routine’ meeting that turns out to be some kind of constructive criticism crusade doesn’t make anyone feel good. Give them a heads-up. Give them a chance to prepare for that conversation. They may come (and leave) that conversation differently than if you sneak-attack them.
When you can create a respectful space for difficult conversations that allows more room for curiosity, reflection, and growth rather than the feeling of failure, inferiority, or incompetence, you’ll end up with more faithful followers than you can even know. Most of us want to know we’ve got lettuce stuck in our teeth; we just don’t want it to be shouted across the restaurant for all to hear, leading them to stop and stare.
Trusting in and using your voice will elevate your game and cement your authority. Speaking assertively, having grace, and approaching critical conversations will make you not just a powerful woman leader in STEM but an indomitable one.
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Let’s infuse your authority with more trust in your voice and empower your leadership to new levels. Join me for my monthly Empowered Hour, where you’ll be a part of a beautiful think tank of other powerful women in leadership roles looking to cultivate more trust within themselves. You’re never alone, and help is never far away. I’ve got you.
