Be Like a Big Lap Dog–Advice for the Powerful Woman Leader to Take Up Space
I have a serious question for you. If the way you showed up as a leader were like a dog, what kind of dog would you be?
I know this doesn’t seem like a serious question, but just stay with me. As you think about this question, I don’t want you to think about which type of dog breed you prefer as a pet. I want you to think about the type of dog breed you’d be as a powerful woman leader.
Here are your three options:
Sprinkles. A tiny, bug-eyed, short-haired thing that fits in a designer handbag, wears glittery collars and pink sweaters and shakes so badly they pee themselves when they meet someone new
Spike. A snarling, pushy, barky, intimidating alpha dog with a spiked collar who constantly eyes the mailman’s leg as a lunch and makes them pee themselves
Sunny. One of those big breeds who always look like they’re totally content and doesn’t care how big they are; they’re convinced they’re a lap dog and don’t give a damn that you’re reading the paper or drinking a glass of wine. They will get on the couch, lay on their back, paws up, and demand belly rubs. (They don’t have a peeing problem.)
Have you settled on an answer? Is the best choice obvious?
If not, here’s the spoiler alert: I want you to choose C.
Sprinkles is too passive and doesn’t even take up all the space in the Louis Vuitton bag. Spike is too aggressive and too much of a bully to consider their environment. (You’re probably working with some Spikes…AmIright?) The big dog that’s convinced it’s a lap dog is just the right size. (Yes, this just turned into a weird Goldilocks thing…Goldilocks and The Three Dogs.)
Sunny is “just the right size” because Sunny is confident in who they are and isn’t afraid to take up space. It doesn’t matter to Sunny that they can’t actually fit in the lap of their beloved owner. They’re not overthinking their decision to jump up on the couch, spread out, and ask for their belly to be rubbed. They’re not waiting for permission to take up space, make their presence known, or engage with the people around them.
Ridiculous dog analogy aside, I’m telling you to take up space as a powerful woman leader.
Taking Up Space as a Powerful Woman Leader
But, Jen, what does that mean? I hear you. I know it’s a bit abstract when you just look at those three words. For me, taking up space as a powerful woman leader means several things.
Confidence, Trust, and Asserting Your Voice
For one, it’s your outward expression or representation that shows you trust yourself. You might recall we talked about trusting yourself in this blog post. It’s also about exuding confidence which includes knowing and accepting who you are. And, taking up space is about using your voice assertively and effectively.
Doing Leadership Differently
Taking up space means choosing the right type of leadership in the right moment (also known as situational leadership) versus just doing leadership the way it’s been modeled to you (which was probably a shitty example, if I’m being frank.) When you decide that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to leadership and choose to lead differently than your colleagues, you establish yourself as someone who will not just do things the way they’ve always been done. You’re committed to doing things better. And when we do things differently and better, it requires us to stand out from the crowd. When we stand out, we take up space.
Making Your Presence Known
Taking up space is also literally about taking up physical space and making your presence known. This can be arriving early to a meeting and picking the spot around the table closest to the person leading the meeting or the chair closest to the front for a presentation. Forget being overlooked for your brilliant ideas at the back of the table or your hand not being noticed in the back of the room.
Taking up space might mean standing straight with your shoulders back and your feet squared rather than slumped over, head hanging down, looking at the floor. It could mean ensuring that if you’re standing or sitting in a group of people, you’re not slightly behind everyone else; your shoulders are aligned with theirs. You’re a part of the circle, not positioned just outside it as though you don’t belong.
Taking up physical space might also mean wearing the outfit that you feel confident, comfortable–and dare I say–sexy in and not caring that people notice you in said outfit. I’m not talking about wearing outrageous things simply for attention. I am saying, don’t be afraid to wear the thing that differentiates you from the wallpaper. Be seen. Be known.
Finding Your Own Way to Take Up Space
Most importantly, I want you to take up space in ways that feel natural for you or that might push you outside your comfort zone but not ignite your social anxiety or go against your personality. You can take up space and not have to be extroverted. Extroversion and taking up space are not mutually exclusive things. You can take up space in your own way.
Perfect example. I have a team member who identifies as an introvert and feels uncomfortable in group networking settings, being the one to start conversations with new people. She doesn’t take up space by speaking over people or going out of her way to introduce herself. Knowing this about herself, the way she takes up space in the room and doesn’t get overlooked is by wearing something she feels great in, and that usually captures the attention of someone else. Let’s say it’s funky glasses or shoes. Oftentimes, this might spark someone (who is comfortable striking up the conversation) to come over to her and introduce themselves. Once the conversation is started, she can take up more space by what she says and how she interacts with that person.
There are plenty of ways to take up space as a powerful woman leader. You need to find the way(s) that works for you. Use your self-awareness–what you know about yourself, your strengths, your preferences, your shortcomings–to determine YOUR WAY of taking up space.
But regardless of what your way is, do it. Take up space.
You Don’t Need to Beg for Space. Just Take It.
Be the giant lap dog in the meeting, the networking event, the boardroom…You don’t need to prove you’re worthy of space. You don’t need to ask permission to take up space. You’ve already earned the titles, climbed the ladders, and achieved the achievable…So take up space. You deserve it. You don’t need to put your paws up and beg for it. Get those tails wagging, tongues hanging out, and bellies ready for some rubs. Figuratively speaking, of course. And just watch…as you confidently take up more space, you really will be “the big dog,” and everyone around you will know it. (But please, please, never pee on anyone else!)
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Let’s infuse your authority with more trust in your inner voice, the one telling you what you need, and empower your leadership to new levels. Join me for my monthly Empowered Hour, where you’ll be a part of a beautiful think tank of other powerful women in leadership roles looking to cultivate more trust within themselves. You’re never alone, and help is never far away. I’ve got you.
