Are You Going To Choose Commitment Or The Crap In Your Head?
Which are you going to choose – chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate is the commitment to the difference you want to make in the world and vanilla is the crap in your head. Chocolate is choosing to take the necessary actions to awaken your greatness so you can accomplish your dreams and make your impact. Whereas vanilla is choosing to continue to live by the beliefs that have been there for ages, but aren’t supporting your expansion. Vanilla is the equivalent of the ‘same actions breed the same results’ (also the definition of insanity by the way).
Chocolate is rich, flavorful, textured, savory, yumminess because it has so many ways of expression that tantalize the senses. (I mean just think, how many ways chocolate comes – pies, puddings, mousse, truffles, cakes, and all those delicious creations in the glass cases inside sweet shops – in comparison to how many ways vanilla comes.) Vanilla is safe, it’s plain, it’s comfortable. Vanilla needs to be dressed up a little with sauces and sprinkles and cherries to pack extra flavor. Chocolate can stand on its own. Chocolate is bold. Chocolate dares to dream.
My work with successful, high-achieving executive women who are standing on the cusp of their next level or next season, trying to figure out their next step, or trying to ignite that flame that burns way below the Imposter Syndrome, limiting beliefs, and mental noise, is about supporting them to choose between chocolate or vanilla. (They generally choose chocolate – just sayin’).
That’s what my coaching is about. It’s about getting them in touch with their greatness. It’s about helping them get back into their bodies so they can lead with their heart. My coaching is about quieting the noise and letting go of the perfectionism (a form of Imposter Syndrome) so they can hear themselves. I’m here to help women choose commitment over the crap in their head.
Case in point.
There’s this fabulous networking group I’m a part of, and a couple times a month there’s 25-30 of us on a call and we each get two minutes to say who we are, where we’re from, what our business does, who our power partners are, and our big ask. Then, you follow up with people. So I followed up with a few and I asked the women in this group, “Is anyone stuck or stopped? Who could use some support right now?” And one woman raised her hand – let’s call her Sarah.
Sarah explained to me she runs a hybrid publishing company dedicated to publishing women’s stories. Before COVID, she had been speaking at writers conferences about getting published, but she kept finding that people just wanted Random House and Penguin and other traditional publishing avenues or they wanted to self-publish. No one seemed to want that middle road she offered. So Sarah retreated and has been trying to find her way.
“I know it’s just my mind,” she said to me.
Isn’t this always the case, I think.
People have about 60,000 thoughts a day and 80-85% of them are negative. Part of what I offer people is strengthening their muscles so they can keep their head above that line. Keeping them present, positive, and purposeful. Otherwise, we succumb to the crap between our ears.
This is how understanding their flavor of Imposter Syndrome is helpful. Imposter Syndrome is that irritable belief system (IBS) that contributes to that nasty 85%. It can hold them back and keep them stuck and small unless they know how to wield it, master it, and turn it into a superpower – which is one of my specialities. Part of that recipe for success is helping my clients feel into their body and start leading from their heart. Another part is asking pointed questions and reflecting back to them the crap in their head that’s subconsciously ruling the day.
“Permission to interact with you powerfully?” I said to Sarah and she agreed. “Why are you doing everything you're doing?” I asked her.
This is what it came down to. When Sarah was in the fourth grade she was bullied for her height and weight and she never felt like she could be herself. As a result, Sarah wants women to see they can be themselves. They don’t need to change. She wants women’s voices to be elevated to transform the world and to make it a welcoming place for women to be as they are.
Sarah is not unlike the other women (and men, too) that I work with. Everyone has a backstory that has affected them in deeply powerful ways. Many times, these painful experiences now fuel them to make the world a better place. These backstories are terrific motivators and underlying factors for their ‘why.’
Unfortunately, some of these past experiences also can play a role in what keeps them from going after those big dreams. These past experiences may be the originating incident for their imposter syndrome. Now, because of that IBS, these beautiful, transformative projects or business ideas stay stuck in their minds instead of being released into the world where they can make the impact they want to make.
“Here's my question,” I say when she’s finished giving me her answer. “Are you going to allow your commitment to rule the day? Or are you going to listen to that crap in your mind? Are you going to choose chocolate or vanilla?”
This is THE question we all need to ask ourselves when our IBS (irritable belief system) flares. Are we going to surrender to the mental grumblings churning in the space between our ears, or are we going to find the way to release that cognitive gas so we can get back in check with the more serving part of our brain? (In addition to our bodies and our heart space, of course.) Will we choose to follow our commitment and get going in the right direction?
Sarah broke out into this big smile. This pointed question reminded her of what she was set out to do. “You know,” she started, “I’m gonna allow my commitment to lead.”
This one question in this one moment took Sarah out of her mind and into this present moment where she and I were having a conversation. Instead of focusing on what was happening “upstairs,” she was focused on her vision – the thing she was reminded of when I asked her why she was doing all this in the first place.
And because we were having this conversation surrounded by others who were holding space for this dialogue, she felt seen, heard, and supported. Now that she had shared openly and outloud what her vision was and WHY she was doing it, others were nodding, smiling, and lifting her up because they believed in her vision. Being recognized and held is an invigorating life line to awakening our greatness and accomplishing our dreams.
Community and accountability are huge pieces of our success, but ultimately it’s up to us to keep choosing our commitment over the crap in our head. It’s our job to continue to choose the chocolate.
People can be there to support us or remind us, but we have to be the one to choose.
Each day has new challenges. Each day we’re back in this thing called life which is unpredictable and filled with twists and turns. Choosing commitment toward our goals isn’t a one-and-done deal. It’s a muscle we have to strengthen. Not letting our limiting beliefs rule us is a daily effort that eases with more practice and continual support. We have to train ourselves to keep choosing chocolate and be in the habit of making that choice moment by moment.
My chocolate is supporting women like Sarah. I’m committed to my own vision and dream which is helping brilliant, beautiful people awaken their greatness, actualize their dreams, and change the world with their gifts and their leadership. I have a number of ways to support your journey to living more presently and with awakened greatness so that you can stay committed to your path, find your genius, and turn your Imposter Syndrome into your superpower.
The best way to work with me is through my Awaken Your Greatness Academy (AYGA). This is four months of dedicated time to awaken your greatness, choose your commitment, and gain momentum on making that difference in the world – in whatever way that looks for you. It’s coaching, accountability, and community all in one place. You’ll learn your flavor of Imposter Syndrome and how to turn it into a superpower. You’ll discover your zone of genius and ways to leverage it. You’ll identify your values, beliefs, skills, team, and goals. Together, we’ll build the foundation you need to support the change you want to see in your corner of the world.
If you’re not sure that AYGA is the right fit but you know you’re ready to choose chocolate, I’m one click away. Schedule a free 15-min call with me. Let’s chat about the next best step for you in choosing your commitment over the crap in your head.
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Follow me on Facebook or Twitter or connect with me on LinkedIn. Consider joining my quarterly 30-day Awaken Your Greatness Challenge. And, don’t forget to take my Imposter Syndrome Quiz to find out your flavor of Imposter Syndrome and how it’s holding you back.