Your Experience is Real. Imposter Syndrome Isn’t.

Let’s talk about labels.

Humans love to name things. That thing I’m writing with? It’s called a pen. That fruit I’m eating? Peach. That emotion? Joy.

Labeling things helps us make sense of our world. It gives us a shared understanding of our experiences. It’s a useful tool. 

But here’s the thing: every word, every name, and every label is completely made up. Somebody decided to call that thing a pen and convinced the rest of us to do the same (I know, I know… I’m oversimplifying etymology, but you feel me, right?).

Imposter Syndrome: Useful Label or Curiosity Crusher?

Has anyone ever told you that you have Imposter Syndrome?

When we talk about Imposter Syndrome, it’s important to remember that the name Imposter Syndrome is made up. It was “discovered” by some psychologists in the ‘70s who wanted to make sense of a phenomenon (fun fact: it was originally called a “phenomenon” not a “syndrome” because it’s not actually a medical diagnosis) they were noticing: Many folks—no matter how successful they were—suffered from limiting beliefs, self-doubt, and the fear of being “found out” as a fraud. 

Sound familiar?

As the label “Imposter Syndrome” has entered the zeitgeist in the last few years, it’s given thousands of people the language to understand their lived experience and recognize that they’re not alone in their feelings of inadequacy, shame, and embarrassment. 

See? Labels can be useful. But here’s the rub: once we label something, we stop being curious about it.

If you asked me what a paper clip is for, I’d tell you that it’s for clipping paper together. I mean, the name makes that pretty clear, yes? But if you didn’t know that a paper clip was called a paper clip… if you just saw this little metal bendy thing and got really curious about all the ways you could use it… well, just google “ways to use a paper clip” and you’ll see that there are hundreds of possibilities.

So what’s the problem with labeling your Imposter Syndrome? It did, after all, give you language for something you were already experiencing and helped you feel less alone.

The problem is that once you labeled it, you stopped wondering why you “have” it. Where did it come from? Why does it show up at certain times, and not others? How did you develop the coping strategies you use to manage it? What is really at the ROOT of this blasted “syndrome”?

What Happens When You Get Curious

My client, Pam, (I changed her name, obvi) is a very successful business owner. She’s DRIVEN to succeed, to produce results—and she does—but she’s never satisfied with those results. They’re just never good enough.

(Again. Sound familiar?)

We could’ve just labeled that “Imposter Syndrome” and gotten to work on overcoming or managing her “symptoms.” But I’m not here for that.

Instead, I helped her investigate that drivenness and get curious about where it all started.

It came as no surprise to anyone that it started when she was a kid. And you know what? It always starts there.

Something happens before the age of 12 that leaves us with that first experience of shame, embarrassment, and not-enoughness, which forges a new neural pathway (“I’m not enough”) that we then strengthen and reinforce every time we have a similar experience. Then we spend the rest of our lives with that upset child in the proverbial driver’s seat. 

So what happened to Pam? When she was nine years old, she was with a group of her cousins picking through a pile of hand-me-downs from another cousin. She picked up a pair of white pants that she liked and her aunt said, “Oh honey, you’re too big for those.”

Humiliated, Pam decided she would prove her aunt wrong. She marched into her bedroom and pulled those white pants on (which she never wore again). Take that, Auntie!

Metaphorically speaking, Pam’s been yanking up those white pants—desperately trying to overcome the sting of her aunt’s words—for decades now- her wounded nine-year-old self-running the show. For decades, driven to produce results and left completely unsatisfied.

Once we identified that incident- once Pam became conscious of the root of her drivenness- she became FREE from the effects of that incident. The first thing she did? She marched right out and bought a pair of white jeans for the first time in 40 years. She wore THE HECK OUT OF THOSE jeans to an event and got compliments out the wazoo! White Pants Freedom, baby! Do you see how much these kinds of events impact us and our ability to fully express ourselves? Truly mindblowing, right?!  

And does that mean she’s no longer driven? Hell no. Her drivenness is her superpower. But because she was unconscious of the source of her superpower, she could never be satisfied with the results she produced. They were never good enough. So she had no choice but to keep driving toward bigger and better- yet ultimately unsatisfying- results. 

Now, free from the shackles of her nine-year-old self, she has arrived at choice. She can be driven AND be satisfied with the results. 

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

It might seem embarrassing to acknowledge that your embarrassed inner child has impacted your life to such a degree, but I promise you, you’re not alone. 

The very real experience of life that we magically labeled “Imposter Syndrome” is not unique to you. We all go through this shit from time to time. It’s part of the human condition.

The key is to find a coach (I know a good one… cough cough) who will help you get to the source of your imposter-y feelings so you can actually choose to leverage your superpowers. 

My upcoming FREE Masterclass, Why Imposter Syndrome Isn’t Real - And How To Get Rid of Your Fake-Ass Friend, is designed to help you do just that.  It is going to be October 20th at 3pm EST.

Together, we’ll:

• Explore the common root causes of doubt, insecurity, and feelings of “not-enoughness”

• Get rid of your Fake-Ass Friend and own your genius

• Value Add

Register by October 10 to secure your spot! And this one’s not recorded, so you’re definitely going to want to be there!